Books, Writing & Life

Why do we put our mental health on the back burner but will have a standing manicure appointment without fail? My nails are meh, but my mentals though… Let’s just say I look forward to my appointments and the investment is worth it. I’m investing in my future mental health. 

Life is hard. 
Sometimes it hits all at once. 
Some days it’s hard to cope. 

That’s ok. It happens.

A few years ago, I called someone because I desperately needed a friend to just talk to. It was a rough period right after I lost my grandma and my mom within two weeks of each other and at the same time was dealing with parenting two teens and my husband traveling out of town for work. It was Crazy Town in my head and literally at my house.

The person I called couldn’t talk and at the time of this writing it’s been 3 years, and we still haven’t talked. I kept it all inside for a very long time. 

Also, during this time, my senior dog was having some serious health issues. Knowing her fate was nearing, we got another dog so I wouldn’t be “dog-less” when she transitioned. I hoped my new dog would help me but guess what? 

My new dog has anxiety! 

Who knew dogs suffered from the same conditions as humans and can take the same meds? I didn’t know this at all. I never had a reason to think about it…until now.

We have a new family member, Cooper, the “anxious dachshund.” Some pets need medications to help them be their best selves just like humans do. We are a special pair. He loves me and I take care of him. We are there for each other. As aggravating as he can be sometimes, he really does help me. He cuddles next to me, and we comfort each other. 

Anxiety is something a lot of people live with and is certainly something I would NOT choose. 

I grew up hearing adults in my family talk about taking “nerve pills.” Basically, they had anxiety and their doctor had prescribed an antidepressant medication to help them be their best selves. 

Anxiety is nothing new and nothing to be ashamed about. I’m so happy it is being discussed more frequently now and I love how TV personality, Carson Daily, openly talks about his anxiety disorder. It’s good to have a celebrity advocate for something people think is taboo to discuss. 

• Talk to a therapist
• Exercise
• Relax 
• Do whatever needs to be done for you to live your best life 
• Take a step and don’t suffer in silence
• Let someone know you are struggling 

Don’t be ashamed for needing to talk to a professional. We don’t shame diabetics for needing insulin. Why do we shame people who have anxiety or depression? 

It’s not something someone would choose willingly. 

I WOULD NOT VOLUNTARILY CHOOSE THIS. 

I have family and friends who have been anxious all my life and still are. It is what it is. Do what needs to be done to be the best version of yourself and live YOUR best life.

So, back to my dog. He isn’t a legit therapy dog, but he helps me a lot. He’s special and was the last to be adopted from his litter and was the smallest. He was just waiting for the right life partner to come along, and he got me! I’m so happy we found each other although some days he really tries my nerves. (That’s how relationships go, right?) 

I have two young adult children. If I survived them growing up and becoming awesome young adults, I suppose I can deal with a ten-pound, sassy, skittish, anxious dachshund. Between the two of us, we are coping. He’s in behavior therapy and takes his meds daily. I have my own resources for dealing with life’s curve balls and that’s ok. It is what it is and I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to admit it. I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS.

At the start of the pandemic, several things happened at once. My grandma died, then literally two weeks later, my mom died. It was hard. My heart ached because they both had to go at the same time. How does that happen? The heart can endure a lot but sometimes it feels like it’s been permanently broken for years now.

I live in the Midwest, and they lived in the south. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t around. They were still my family. The only two matriarchal women left in my life were gone. POOF! 
At the same time. 

They were gone. 

Just like that. 
Real fast. 

I received a phone call that my grandmother had died at the age of 102. When I flew home for her funeral, I found out my mother would be transitioning any day as well. I knew she was sick but NOTHING could prepare me for that revelation so soon after landing in South Carolina.

How does that happen?

Both of them were checking out?

All at once? 

It was too much. Way too much. 

I was several states away. 

Everyone else was there to watch the process and knew the finish line of life was rapidly approaching. Although Dad had said “She’s not eating and she’s losing a lot of weight,” I still had no idea I would walk into the room and see mom dying when the reason I was there in the first place was for 102-year-old Granny. 

So many thoughts ran through my mind at once. 

I felt faint. 

I cried. 

Actually, I wailed.

After years of mental illness and then dementia, just like that, my mom, the one I share a birthday with was going to be leaving as well. She had early onset dementia, fought that nasty memory-zapping monster long enough and it was time. I got it and completely understood. 

BUT IT WAS JUST SO UNFAIR! 

I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening. How do you live without your two matriarchs? Even though they had come to the end of the road, I still needed them.

Does anyone understand what I’m saying here?

My bestie from way back, who I hadn’t seen in years, came by bearing gifts and took me to dinner. Who knew a meal with an old friend would be the best two hours amid despair? 

It really helped. I laughed and felt so much better when we left. I was reminded that I’m still here. There’s still life to be lived and I need to live it to the fullest. 

So, here I am, 3 years later and I am doing better. (Writing this was so therapeutic.)

Invest in yourself.

Seek the resources you need for your own mental health. 

Never give up on yourself.