I took this picture on January 3, 2020 just after the break of day. My flight was very early and I had been up all night with the exception of maybe 2 hours.
The flight was on time and just as the last tires left the pavement and ascended skyward, I watched as the ground below disappeared.
Then the tears started, and they wouldn’t stop flooding my eyes. They soaked my shirt.
I had been waiting for a call during the night and the call came after I finally drifted off to sleep. When my cell rang and I saw the caller, I knew what it meant. He simply said, “She’s gone, my baby is gone.”
So, let me tell you about my flight.
The plane was one of those with one seat on the left and 2 on the right. I was seated 3 rows from the front on the left, so no one was next to me. There was someone in front of me and a lady with a sweet faced chihuahua one row up on the right side. (These details are important.)
Back to the clouds…
The clouds were beautiful. I’d never been on a flight where I could see clouds below the plane and above at the same time. It seemed like we were between two different dimensions.
I love clouds. I have lots of pictures of clouds, sunrises and sunsets. I mean A LOT OF PICTURES. So, the fact that I was able to see this beautiful sight on this particular day was phenomenal and it let me know I was going to be ok.
So, the tears started, and they came fast and furious. I rocked back and forth in my single seat. I wanted to wail but I couldn’t. It was a silent wail. I screamed internally. My face was a mess. My shirt was soaked. I continued to look out the window and the blue got blue-er and clouds got fluffier. It was beautiful.
I didn’t have any tissues and my eyes felt raw. Imagine screaming internally, having a meltdown on a plane and the only person knowing you are having a meltdown is the flight attendant facing the passengers. I didn’t care. I saw him looking at me and I knew he couldn’t give me tissues because the fasten seatbelt light was still on. He gave me the LADY ARE YOU OK? look.
After my wailing from was over, I looked over and the chihuahua was staring at me. He gave me a look of Hey, it’s going to be ok, lady.
Another thing I absolutely love is dogs. Two of my most favorite things are clouds and dogs. On this day, this life-altering day, God let me see clouds and the sweetest dog face in my time of need. A time when nothing else but God’s love could comfort me, he sent me two things in the middle of a flight for comfort.
He knows me so well.
He loves me so much.
He made me and when the plane landed, I truly was ok. A lot happened up there in those clouds. A lot was resolved in those clouds. When I landed, I wasn’t heavy anymore and I was ok.
That was the day my mom died. The call I received was from my dad. His baby, his initial “Baby,” was gone. The clouds were my vision of her soul leaving her body and ascending toward the clouds. The chihuahua was my comforter like my own dog would’ve been if I were crying at home and she knew she needed to help me.
That was the day that changed my life.
- It was just the third day of 2020
- It was the beginning of celebrating my birthday without calling my dad and having him hold the phone up to mom’s ear so I could tell her happy birthday as well. (I was born on her birthday.)
- It was the beginning of having no one to call on Mother’s Day.
- It was the beginning of a lot of things, one of which is a void that can never be filled.