Books, Writing & Life

I recorded a video for someone out there who needs this but, in my efforts to free up some space, I did a mass delete and poof it was gone. Grrrr!

I just finished listening to a song called He Kept Me on the radio when the inspiration for the video hit me. The song reminded me of a time when God kept me through one of the toughest/darkest times of my life as a young Christian. The video (which is now a post) is for women who may struggle emotionally, particularly around Mother’s Day; not because they miss their mother or have issues with their mother but because they are not a mother themselves.

If you don’t follow me on Facebook or haven’t read Mommy Moments, you probably don’t know this but I lost my first child while I was 22 weeks pregnant and had another miscarriage a few years later at 9 weeks. It was an extremely rough time in my life and it was over a period of 6 years that I struggled with depression, mourning and infertility.

I know that around this time of year people are celebrating moms but think about those women in your life who may have a deceased child, struggle with infertility, has had multiple miscarriages or may have had a still born child. People tend to forget about those things and it is extremely painful for the woman who has experienced such loss.

Days like Mother’s Day can be very stressful. Every social media post says Happy Mother’s Day and you receive text messages from people you didn’t even realize had your cell phone number.  Through the trials and pain, I am able to tell my story now and I’m excited about that. However, at one point in my life, things were so dark for me that I imagined I would never be able to talk about it, but today I can. I have overcome and hopefully by sharing, I can help someone. Some of my older friends and family members say I share too much but I believe that by sharing, people are set free and know they are not alone.

How would I be able to overcome if other women hadn’t shared their stories with me and let me know they survived and I could too?

I remember going to church on Mother’s Day after I had the 22-week miscarriage. There was a microphone set up down front, so people could go say something about their mother. People started lining up saying how their mothers took care of them and prayed for them—and I literally burst into tears. I mean sobbing loudly. I couldn’t help it. I caused a scene like at a funeral because the feelings were so raw.

I seriously should’ve stayed home that year.

I remember ushers gathering around me with fans. Other women were stepping over people on my pew to try to get to me and give me hugs or rub small circles on my back. It infuriated me, and I wanted to get up and run out, but I couldn’t.

I felt like I was a mom. 
I was pregnant. 
I gave birth. That meant I was a mom, right?
But I had nothing to show for it.

For years I held my pain inside until I begged God to take the pain and emptiness away. Little by little I became whole again—but it was no easy journey.

Girlfriend, be encouraged and don’t let it bother you when friends and family don’t know how to comfort you or can’t understand what you may be going through. People get excited over holidays. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Groundhog Day, Drink Wine Day, National Sub Sandwich Day…

If you have a sister/girlfriend/auntie/whoever, encourage her. Send her this blog link and tell her I said to be encouraged. I know the pain they’re going through. It hurts—I know it hurts. Yes, I was able to finally carry full-term two more times and those were very difficult pregnancies with 12-week surgeries for both and many scares along the way. Through it all, I was able to have the family I prayed and asked God for.

I didn’t know what God’s plan for me was and obviously I don’t know his plan for you, but he has one. Whether it is to be a mother or not, he has a plan for you and he put you here for a reason. The days between the second miscarriage and me having my other two kids were rough and often times dark and lonely. I thought I was going to lose both of them as well. I had all kinds of problems and unplanned hospital visits. It was a long hard journey and some days I wondered why I was so adamant about going through it for a third and fourth time—but God had a plan for me and them and I’m thankful we all survived.

Are children in your future? I don’t know but stay encouraged. There is a reason you are here. Say it with me:  I AM HERE FOR A REASON. I MAY NOT KNOW WHAT THAT REASON IS, BUT THERE IS ONE. Don’t dwell on what you don’t have. I know it’s hard to hear but don’t do it. Is it easy for me to say that to you? No, because I know where you are and how you must feel. I also know it is hard as a believer togo through stuff like that.

You may wonder What the heck, Lord? You are really allowing this to happen to me? 
Keep your head up, keep trying, listen to your doctors and make good healthy choices for yourself. I NEVER thought I’d be able to talk about this, but here I am.

1. Please know God has a plan for you.
2. Please be encouraged and STAY encouraged.
3. God loves you.
4. I love you and I am your Sister in Christ.

Take care, be blessed.
DGR