How to torture your kids

If I pull this car over...

If I pull this car over…

Motherhood, or shall I say Parenthood, has many ups and downs. Somedays it feels like we’re going up a steep hill on a roller coaster and things are about to settle down, until SCREEEEAM! You’re going downhill so fast, all you can do is hold onto something and pray for it to end quickly!

On those days, the days when I have to prove my point because I’m the mama and I’m going to prove my point by any means necessary, I like to torture my kids. No, not physically, although the thought does run through my mind from time to time, but in the following ways:

  1. Drive in complete silence. (My all-time favorite. And don’t you dare touch that radio button. Wha? Huh? That’s what I thought.)
  2. Watch the evening news during family dinner time. (They need to learn something anyway. There’s more to life than Nick and Disney.)
  3. Play jazz in the car on a long drive. (Culture is good for the soul.)
  4. Require them to wash the dishes–by hand. (I didn’t die in the 80’s by doing so, neither will they.)
  5. Make them wash everyone else’s clothes. (Then maybe they’ll realize how important cleanliness really is.)
  6. Have them clean the bathrooms. (No explanation needed.)
  7. Wake them up early on a Saturday but have nothing to do or nowhere to go.
  8. Make them read a newspaper.
  9. Show baby pictures when their friends come over. (Insert sinister laugh)
  10. Walk in their school with “that look.” (Uh oh, it’s “Angry Mom”)
  11. Leave a list of chores for them to do during spring break. (Spring Break does NOT  equal free load all week.)
  12. Make them order vegetables instead of fries at a restaurant. (#TeamHealthy)
  13. Make them go to bed early on the weekend.
  14. Play music from the 80’s and 90’s loudly and sing/rap along with the song. (It’s like that and that’s the way it is, HUH!)
  15. Jerk their phones from their hands and read whatever they were reading. (Who dis?)
  16. Loud talk them in the background while they’re talking to friends on the phone.
  17. Loud talk them in public after you’ve told them for 127th time you we’re going to buy the dad-blasted item they wanted you to spend your hard-earned money on.
  18. Take them to the  movies with you–to see what YOU want to see. (What? You wanted to see the latest animated movie?)
  19. Say no to taking them to an event they told their friends they’d be able to attend. (Um, since you don’t have a car, license or authority…NO!)
  20. Say, “I’ma tell your daddy.”

Parents, what ways do you “torture” your kids?






Tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to How to torture your kids

  1. kimyatta says:

    The radio thing…DEFINITELY! And I love to sing along to my 80s and 90s music…but even more…I sing songs she likes from now in “Minionese” very loud.

    I also like to tell her at random to put away her electronics for a specific period of time. Then I set the timer. She never sees this coming and is always confounded when I say…”go put that up for an hour”…lol…

    I talk while her favorite show is on…(she does it to me!)

    Now..this of course is not just because…(well..not all the time…)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *