What’s up readers of Books, Writing and Life? Strange title for a blog, but whatever. This here is your man, Stan. Yeah, the one and only Stanley Thompson, aka Stan-the-Man. (Hit me up on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/callmestantheman)
Yo girl, Daphine Glenn Robinson is, er uh, “tied up” at the moment and won’t be able to post this week, so I’m taking over–that is at least for today.
…or until she becomes untied, I mean gets free. (I’m laughing my evil laugh like I did when I stole Deidre from Brandon and left him with his face cracked and on the ground.) Anyways, I just wanted to give the fellas a few Valentine’s tips today because it seems that Ms. Robinson caters to man-hating-women. This is payback. I’m running things in this piece.
- Fellas, get your woman something. Even if she says she doesn’t want you to spend the money, do it anyway. It’ll be the deciding factor between you getting some, ahem, holiday lovin’ or spending the night taking a cold shower.
- Do not order flowers that will be sent in a box. Sometimes these orders get screwed up and you spend the day looking like the biggest jerk on the block. She doesn’t want to be at work or at home with no flowers on Valentine’s Day. Send fresh flowers. (It’s probably too late now, but use this advice for next year if you didn’t.)
- Don’t make it look like the cash you spent is down payment on a chance at “hitting that” later tonight. Play it cool.
- Skip the cheesy restaurants you’d typically go to on Friday or Saturday night. Your woman doesn’t think Red Lobster or Applebee’s is romantic; especially after a 2.5 hour wait.
- If you haven’t bought a card before now, skip it.
- Gas station flowers–I won’t even go there. For you clowns who can’t read between the lines, never buy your woman flowers from the gas station. #badmove
- Don’t put in a porno movie tonight to “get her in the mood.” I learned this lesson the hard way.
- If you are not married and didn’t do something for your woman, pick up take-out
and rent a movie. Something is better than nothing and she will still be happy (unless you always pick up take-out and rent movies.)
- Today is not the day to spring news on your woman. i.e. you have a child by someone else, you have a sexually transmitted disease, you’ve been hanging out at strip clubs, etc. That will get your windshield busted, tires slashed or maybe even a pot of hot grits across the chest. Save the confessions til later this week.
- If you and your ex departed on bad terms, today isn’t the day to proclaim your love for her, particularly if she’s moved on with someone else. Don’t ruin their night together. I learned this lesson the hard way and it landed my @ss in jail.
Fellas, take my advice and have a great day today. You can drop by my page and thank me later. I’ve got to check on Ms. Robinson…
Stan the man
P.S. Send me a friend request. https://www.facebook.com/callmestantheman
I’ll need to talk to someone after Ms. Robinson gets’ freed up. She’s going to kill me–hopefully not Literally.