Here’s a little Thursday humor:
- People who sit directly behind me in the movies.
…when there aren’t many people in the theater. There are 300 seats in an uncrowded theater and you choose to sit directly behind me eating noisy popcorn, bumping my seat, checking your phone and talking during the movie? #really?
- Soap opera men.
Um, even when I was not a full-figured woman THAT NEVER HAPPENED. Who picks up their woman and takes her to the bedroom? Who rips buttons off shirts? Do they go home with buttonless shirts? Who would ruin a perfectly good shirt like that?
- Automatic sinks and towel dispensers.
I feel like I am playing a game of musical sinks. Do this one. No, it’s that one. Wait, it’s the one on the end. Wave your hand under the towel dispenser. Voila, right? Nope, sike!—No paper for you!
- No sauce in the bag.
If you ask me what kind of sauce I want and then go as far as print it on the receipt but don’t give me the freaking sauce, what other recourse do I have than to park and come inside? #ghettofabulousstyle
- Talking to me while I’m using the facilities.
Why are you trying to talk to me? Don’t you hear what’s going on the other side of the partition or door?
- People who don’t flush toilets.
You can’t use the excuse that it’s not working. I walked right in behind you and pushed the button.
- The “annual visit” to the doctor.
When the doctor says I need you to scoot all the way to the end of the table. (Women will get this one.)
- Calling me Daph.
Have you ever heard me refer to myself as Daph/Daff? No? Then don’t call me that. #ever
- Driving on my bumper.
People who drive on my bumper in rush hour traffic irritate the heck out of me—as if I’m the one holding up traffic. I’m not going to speed up.
- Testosterone infused drivers.
(They probably say estrogen infused drivers irritate them! LOL)